I love it when...people say, "pneumonic device"!
What is this, an air-powered memory aid?
Why don't people have better mnemonic devices for remembering how to say "mnemonic device"?
Whenever I head somebody say "pneumonic device", I always think that their head must be full of air.
"Nuh-monic", not "noo-monic." It's not all that hard.
Wouldn't it be great if people this dumb really WERE "dumb"? It makes you realize that helping the "dumb" to talk really isn't such a miracle after all. Jesus!
Also...how did everyone get the idea that the word "nuptials", which basically means "wedding", is pronounced "nup-shoo-wuls"? If you look at the word, or know how it's spelled, it's clearly meant to be pronounced "nup-shulls". Is "karate" a "marshuall" art?
On the other hand, why isn't the process of "pronouncing" words called "pronounciation"?
And a long-time concern of mine is why isn't the process of "maintaining" something called "maintainance"?
It makes you despair that the English language is so often driven by pure laziness.
But then there's nothing lazier than French. Like half the sentences are two words with "eh" in between. You can spell it "e" or "est" or "et", but it's always pronunced "eh" or "ay". "Eaux" is pronounced "oh". I can understand why the French are so into wine, because people speaking the language always sound drunk! Itsoundslikeeverywordissmashedintothenext.
Once when I was in Paris a guy in a striped shirt and beret with a baguette in a small bag, said to me, "C'est la vie!" And so I said, "la vie!"
I don't think he got it.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Four Letter Weirds: "Left"
"Left" is a word that has sinister connotations in many languages and expressions. (You probably caught the example that I slipped in there, the word "sinister" is derived from words tracing back to Latin and originally meaning "on the left, which is the BAD, side".
In various cultures it's considered very bad manners to gesture or touch someone with your left hand. One of the origins of this was sanitary. If you didn't have much access to soap and running water then you'd always use your left hand for "dirtier" tasks (use you imagination), thus leaving your left hand relatively hygienic for shaking, or handling food.
But English has even deeper meanings for the word left. For instance, "When that guy sitting on your left left, he left his coat behind, the last thing he had left!" Four "lefts" in a one sentence, each with largely separate meanings.
In English, "left" means "opposite of 'right'", but is also a past tense for "leave". So in the example it's first a direction, then a verb, then a DIFFERENT verb, and finally an indicator of state, in a part of speech I actually don't know.
Mostly simply, "The guy on your left left and left all he had left."
Also, "izquierda", which is Spanish for "left", at least in the "directional" sense. I don't believe that it's used as in English, no one says, "Pablo izquierda la casa," people would shake their heads at that. You'd probably use a form of "deportar", "to depart", or even a tense of "var", "To go".
But I like "izquierda, it just seems like such an exotic word for such a mundane concept. "El Mano Izquierda" (gender may be wrong, Im not that good at Spanish) sounds like it should be the name of a Spanish superhero, not "left hand"!
In various cultures it's considered very bad manners to gesture or touch someone with your left hand. One of the origins of this was sanitary. If you didn't have much access to soap and running water then you'd always use your left hand for "dirtier" tasks (use you imagination), thus leaving your left hand relatively hygienic for shaking, or handling food.
But English has even deeper meanings for the word left. For instance, "When that guy sitting on your left left, he left his coat behind, the last thing he had left!" Four "lefts" in a one sentence, each with largely separate meanings.
In English, "left" means "opposite of 'right'", but is also a past tense for "leave". So in the example it's first a direction, then a verb, then a DIFFERENT verb, and finally an indicator of state, in a part of speech I actually don't know.
Mostly simply, "The guy on your left left and left all he had left."
Also, "izquierda", which is Spanish for "left", at least in the "directional" sense. I don't believe that it's used as in English, no one says, "Pablo izquierda la casa," people would shake their heads at that. You'd probably use a form of "deportar", "to depart", or even a tense of "var", "To go".
But I like "izquierda, it just seems like such an exotic word for such a mundane concept. "El Mano Izquierda" (gender may be wrong, Im not that good at Spanish) sounds like it should be the name of a Spanish superhero, not "left hand"!
Four Letter Weirds: "That"
"That" is of course one of the most basic and necessary words in the English language. But once it occurred to me that it was one word unlike others in that it can be CHAINED almost infinitely and still make sense.
If some says, "I like the phone that that guy had," that's two in a row. But if you make references you can loop indefinitely, and still make sense.
Example: "The 'that that' that that guy said made complete sense!"
To which someone could reply, "True, but that 'that that that that' that YOU just said ALSO makes sense!
A fully comprehensible, meaningful and grammatically correct sentence with a string of six "thats" in a row just seems incredible to me, but them I'm kind of a "weird word" aficionado. And since you can make direct references without requiring any change in the words you use, it's also completely meaningful (if pointless) to say, "Even that 'that that that that that that' that that guy just said was correct"--NINE "thats" in a row!
At this point someone usually suggests that I "get a life." But then I ask, "what, a life like that that that other guy has?"
You do have to take care not to get caught in a "that" loop. After all...
that "that that that that that that that that that" that that
other guy said was just ridiculous!
If some says, "I like the phone that that guy had," that's two in a row. But if you make references you can loop indefinitely, and still make sense.
Example: "The 'that that' that that guy said made complete sense!"
To which someone could reply, "True, but that 'that that that that' that YOU just said ALSO makes sense!
A fully comprehensible, meaningful and grammatically correct sentence with a string of six "thats" in a row just seems incredible to me, but them I'm kind of a "weird word" aficionado. And since you can make direct references without requiring any change in the words you use, it's also completely meaningful (if pointless) to say, "Even that 'that that that that that that' that that guy just said was correct"--NINE "thats" in a row!
At this point someone usually suggests that I "get a life." But then I ask, "what, a life like that that that other guy has?"
You do have to take care not to get caught in a "that" loop. After all...
that "that that that that that that that that that" that that
other guy said was just ridiculous!
Friday, April 25, 2014
The Thrill of Pretend Shoplifting
I went into Target today to pick up a few things, and when I went past the aisle I remembered that I was all out of label maker tape. It's almost silly to waste money on, but I find it handy.
The refills are surprisingly expensive, kind of a "razor blade" deal, where the refills are a surprisingly high fraction of just buying a new label maker that COMES with a roll.
I calculated that a certain two-pack was the best value so I threw it in my cart.
I went on to gather other things and along the way noticed that the label refills fell off the "seat/shelf" of the cart, and wedged in along the side. It occurred to me that it wasn't very noticeable, that it was very possible that one could sneak out by buying a bunch of other stuff, and "overlooking" the refills, thus saving almost $8.
As I shopped I thought about it. I'm the kind of guy that has gone back into stores to pay for stuff that accidentally escaped accounting. However if this had happened without me noticing, I'm not sure if I would have gone to the trouble to make sure this enormous corporation wasn't deprived of $8. And in my meager cash flow, $8 actually matters.
But I DID notice. That didn't mean that I still couldn't have gotten away with it though.
A month or so back I was using the self-checkout scanner at my local supermarket. The thing got confused, and I thought that I had gotten something through to the bagging shelf without scanning it. I picked it up to scan it and it instantly sounded an ominous tone. "Please put item BACK in the bagging area!" I thought, am I sure I didn't scan it? Then I thought that it was such an insignificant item (a couple bucks) that it wasn't worth finding the attendant, having him come over, check the transaction, type in special codes, etc. if the system was going to almost FORCE me to take it, it's not up to me to make more than a modest effort to make it right. And the accounting screens are so full of "You saved 18 cents!" In between everything you can't easily figure it out.
At home I looked and I did indeed get a cheap item free. I thought, "Man, these things are surprisingly easy to spoof! If I were really into it I could get away with a bunch of stuff!"
I have actually gone back to a store and offered to pay for something they didn't charge me for. But this was like $2, not even really worth the checker's time let alone mine, so I let it slide.
At Target checking out I carefully put everything on the belt--EXCEPT the "hidden" refills. They guy checked everything out and bagged it, and I asked, "Should I load those into my cart?" Some stores work that way.
He said, "No, that's OK, I'll do it." I thought about the secret item and wondered if he would see it while loading my cart...if he found it could I make it look like an oversight, or would everybody just have smirked at me like, "Nice try, shoplifter!"
But he DIDN'T. He checked me all out and was handing me a receipt when I reached in as if just noticing it, grabbed the item and threw it on the counter.
"Almost forgot this! And it was one of the main things I came here to get!" I said cheerily. I had decided before getting in line that I really don't picture myself being a petty shoplifter, and don't want to go home thinking that I was the kind of weasel that would try to sneak away $8 ahead. Sure, they're a giant corporation and they are making plenty of money either way, but I just don't think it's worth $8 to have to think about myself as a thief.
But it was strangely exciting to have seemingly gotten away with it.
The refills are surprisingly expensive, kind of a "razor blade" deal, where the refills are a surprisingly high fraction of just buying a new label maker that COMES with a roll.
I calculated that a certain two-pack was the best value so I threw it in my cart.
I went on to gather other things and along the way noticed that the label refills fell off the "seat/shelf" of the cart, and wedged in along the side. It occurred to me that it wasn't very noticeable, that it was very possible that one could sneak out by buying a bunch of other stuff, and "overlooking" the refills, thus saving almost $8.
As I shopped I thought about it. I'm the kind of guy that has gone back into stores to pay for stuff that accidentally escaped accounting. However if this had happened without me noticing, I'm not sure if I would have gone to the trouble to make sure this enormous corporation wasn't deprived of $8. And in my meager cash flow, $8 actually matters.
But I DID notice. That didn't mean that I still couldn't have gotten away with it though.
A month or so back I was using the self-checkout scanner at my local supermarket. The thing got confused, and I thought that I had gotten something through to the bagging shelf without scanning it. I picked it up to scan it and it instantly sounded an ominous tone. "Please put item BACK in the bagging area!" I thought, am I sure I didn't scan it? Then I thought that it was such an insignificant item (a couple bucks) that it wasn't worth finding the attendant, having him come over, check the transaction, type in special codes, etc. if the system was going to almost FORCE me to take it, it's not up to me to make more than a modest effort to make it right. And the accounting screens are so full of "You saved 18 cents!" In between everything you can't easily figure it out.
At home I looked and I did indeed get a cheap item free. I thought, "Man, these things are surprisingly easy to spoof! If I were really into it I could get away with a bunch of stuff!"
I have actually gone back to a store and offered to pay for something they didn't charge me for. But this was like $2, not even really worth the checker's time let alone mine, so I let it slide.
At Target checking out I carefully put everything on the belt--EXCEPT the "hidden" refills. They guy checked everything out and bagged it, and I asked, "Should I load those into my cart?" Some stores work that way.
He said, "No, that's OK, I'll do it." I thought about the secret item and wondered if he would see it while loading my cart...if he found it could I make it look like an oversight, or would everybody just have smirked at me like, "Nice try, shoplifter!"
But he DIDN'T. He checked me all out and was handing me a receipt when I reached in as if just noticing it, grabbed the item and threw it on the counter.
"Almost forgot this! And it was one of the main things I came here to get!" I said cheerily. I had decided before getting in line that I really don't picture myself being a petty shoplifter, and don't want to go home thinking that I was the kind of weasel that would try to sneak away $8 ahead. Sure, they're a giant corporation and they are making plenty of money either way, but I just don't think it's worth $8 to have to think about myself as a thief.
But it was strangely exciting to have seemingly gotten away with it.
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