Young Person, Here's What You Should Do

The American comic Andy Richter has been around the comedy biz, and even achieved a certain amount of success, with several sitcoms that, although they failed, did broadcast on major networks, with him as the principle star and creative force.

One of his best ones, "Andy Richter Runs the Universe", unfortunately didn't get the audience it needed to survive, which was a shame, because it was genuinely amusing.

That show never got the recognition it deserved, and even though Andy had many more opportunities, including some other sitcoms ("Andy Barker, P.I.", with Andy as an insurance agent who secretly dabbled in solving cases, actually DID EXIST, for a short time), he ultimately abandoned all his fans in the most egregious way conceivable.

Andy, even after walking out of the smoke of several failed sitcoms, actually still had some pull in the industry, and people with power were still interested in getting him to do things, including movies and more TV shows. But Andy suddenly and inexplicably decided to take an unexpected turn AWAY from the possibility of fame, glitz and glamour, and turn (selfishly) TOWARD his own happiness instead.

Andy got his start as a marginal stand-up when he met a truly gawky goofus named Conan O'Brien. O'Brien, puzzlingly destined for greatness based on the sheer absurdity that anyone like him could EVER achieve greatness, was into comedy and show biz and found out that they were into him too, but even so, Conan found that the idea of walking out onstage completely TERRIFIED him.

This is not a good trait for someone interested in making a career in show biz. But Fate provided Conan with an unexpected solution in the person of Andy Richter.

When Conan got his first late night show, he brought Andy on board as side-kick. The reason was that Conan discovered that talking to Andy was truly the only effective way he could find to dispel his fear, and allow him to meet contract obligations which required him to walk onstage and be funny in front of an auditorium full of people, without completely losing his shit.

Yes, Andy got his first big boost by being Conan O'Brien's security blanket. Conan (and I call him that because typing his last name is such a bitch) had a certain comic genius, but without Andy, few would ever have seen it. Fans would see Andy just on-stage in a little booth with a mic making intros and wise-cracks, and setting up jokes for Conan, but what people didn't see was that BEFORE the show ever went on, Andy was sitting in a dressing room with Conan, shooting the shit, and just generally making Conan feel OK about what he had to do.

From there, Andy started getting recognized as an appealing chubby guy with a quirky sense of humor all his own. But after several years of plying it in Hollywood, Conan, who had lost his show, got a new one on TBS. He turned to the now-much more famous and powerful Andy and begged him to put all that aside, forgo any further fantasies about becoming the next beloved "Seinfeld", possibilities that were within Andy's grasp, and come back to be his side-kick, based purely on the fact that no one else could have the desired effect on Conan.

Andy found himself at a serious crossroads--serious enough to be serious, but apparently not really serious enough to be taken seriously, because Andy thought, and then just said, "OK, sounds good."

And with that, he completely turned his back on finding the vehicle that would make him a big name star in his own right, and he did it completely deliberately.

I go through explaining all this because I think there's a lesson there that quite possibly transcends all the other advice I've been giving you, and all the nervous and worried thoughts that have been racing through your head lately. I think Andy shows us the way through a confusing, disturbing world full of threatening possibilities and scary choices. His advice?

"Fuck it all, and have fun."

Maybe you went to college, studied hard, and got a degree, and maybe you have been the "smart kid" carrying the burden of big expectations for much of your young life.

But in the end, the truth of the matter is the idea that you have to choose correctly and be something important is all complete bullshit. Because not only are you going to leave this earth, but so is every person that might have heard of you, whether you did great or did nothing. Yes, there are some people like Isaac Newton whose names will be remembered forever, and he most likely knew that would happen. But it in fact DOESN'T matter to him that it's true. Like everyone, he's gone.

There are those who might like to ding my argument by saying, "Sure, that may seem so to an atheist like you, but in fact, even you don't really know if there really IS a life after this one, where we might be able to look down upon the lives we left and judge them."

To them I say, "There is never any shortage of short-sighted smart-asses who say shit like that, but to them I'd say, 'OK, lets say when we leave this life we go into ANOTHER plane of existence...do you really think that, from that perspective, where we can probably not only see our own lives but those of others, because nothing matters without others, won't we inevitably see a lot of people just barely holding on, or even suffering intensely, and realize that, no matter WHAT happened in our lives, they were actually alright?'"

Andy could have kept in there struggling to hit it, but he clearly decided that overall it didn't really matter, and he got a chance to hang out with friends, do an easy, fun job, make good money, go home, and beat off like everyone else. Andy said, "Fuck the worry and struggle, at best, what can I hope to get, fame? Who fucking cares?"

He decided, screw it. This looks like fun. That's enough for me.

As I said in an earlier email, you are among the first humans ever to be in their 20s and KNOW how much important stuff happens to the brain during that period. Which means that before this, NO ONE knew, and some people did alright, and others didn't. Knowing it doesn't really make a difference, because in the end, so much is based on pure luck.

Consider this: right now, Scarlett Johannsen might be sitting on the toilet, feeling constipated, and straining like mad to take a shit. She's not thinking, "I am a glamorous queen, worship me", she is thinking, "UNNNNNNNNGGGG....aaaahhh...", splash. "Thank god, I have had to take that shit for like three days, and I would have given up every last one of my Porsches just for that. God..." She thinks, wiping her ass, "that feels MUCH better."

So what I'm trying to say is, "FOR-FUCKING-GET IT!" If you get an idea for a movie, make it if you feel like it. If you want to take another class because it seems like fun, do it. If you want to get married, great. The truth is that you are lucky to be smart enough to pursue whatever you feel like, and remember, you can change that at any time. I recently counted, and literally speaking, I am now on my SIXTH career. I'm not making money, but I am the audio engineer for a live radio show--who saw that coming?

Spend all your time having whatever fun you can think of, and not worrying about absolutely anything. One maxim I made up long ago is one I still believe in, but often forget:

"There is no such thing as the 'wrong' way to live your life." You literally cannot fail! No matter what you do! Because the fact is, whatever happens, you have lived.

And that is all anybody ever does.